KNOWTHYNEIGHBOR USING THE WRONG TACTIC
Letter to the Editor , Globe North | October 20, 2005
As a strong supporter of same-sex marriage, I was drawn to the story in Thursday's paper about KnowThyNeighbor ("Differences give strength to backers of marriage law," Globe North, Oct. 13). I must, however, voice my concern about the organization's plan to publish on line the names of people who sign a petition against same-sex marriage.
Although I believe founders Tom Lang and Aaron Toleos's assurance that their goal is to educate, not to intimidate, I am afraid that their plan will have the opposite effect. While it may be interesting for us to know which of our neighbors oppose gay marriage, will publicizing their names really educate anyone to change his or her opinion? Those of us who support gay marriage may change our opinions of people we find out oppose the idea. But is that really what we want to accomplish?
I think that most people's opposition to gay marriage, as with many other prejudices, is rooted in ignorance and fear. People feel threatened by what is different and what they do not understand. All of us who care about gay rights need to think about what types of actions may broaden people's understanding and comfort level with people who are gay.
There has been some progress in the last few years, largely due to same-sex couples who have decided to marry or have just felt comfortable being public about their families. (Gay or straight, I don't think it is necessary to be married to have a family.) I feel heartened by each gay or lesbian wedding announcement or family story I see in the newspaper. I know that this validation of relationships, and indication of how "normal" gay families are, is slowly etching away the fears and prejudices still held by many. But that is not to say that these small gains are enough.
While I applaud Lang's openness about his family, and Toleos's ability to change and desire to educate others, I would ask them to think about whether their approach is really a way to achieve their goals. I was interested to see that another same-sex marriage organization, MassEquality, actually opposes KnowThyNeighbor's stance.
After reading the story, I thought about what might be a better approach. My initial thought was that publishing stories of gay couples and their families, as well as heterosexuals like Toleos who have gone through a real change in thinking, would be a wonderful concept. After checking out both the KnowThyNeighbor and MassEquality websites, I realized that MassEquality already features married couples on their website. I hope that KnowThyNeighbor, with their convictions and web skills, can find other similar ways to expand upon this concept, and to educate people and open the lines of communication.
Where MassEquality focuses on gay marriage, perhaps KnowThyNeighbor could take a broader approach, highlighting gay couples and families. The parents, children, siblings, and friends of same-sex couples also often have compelling stories to tell. And people opposed to the concept may also be more able to listen to those a step away from the relationship. This also builds directly on Toleos's own experience.
I would prefer to think of the KnowThyNeighbor concept in terms of all of us knowing and understanding others in our community, rather than in the sense of publicizing the identities of those with whom we don't agree.
JOANNA LISS
Beverly
Find out how to contact us for more information. |
